


you're not what they say (baby, you're worse)

by InsoulMe



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Confused Mark Lee (NCT), Gen, Kim Jongin | Kai is Whipped, Kim Jongin | Kai is a Little Shit, Kim Jongin | Kai-centric, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mentioned Byun Baekhyun, Mentioned Lee Taemin, Mentioned Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Sweet Kim Jongin | Kai, mark best boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 15:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsoulMe/pseuds/InsoulMe
Summary: Kai hyung was intimidating.was.





	you're not what they say (baby, you're worse)

**Author's Note:**

> • rarepairs ftw yep I am ON this kaimark bullshit now. It can't be helped. Sorry for this mess, I can't write good fiction. This shit is unbetad as hell. All the mistakes are probably cringey and my fault.

It was the distance between them that had seemed like that of between two galaxies existing in two different worlds, a universe and then another. While he was still getting used to the idea of being his own person, wondering what the future held for him as he was stumbling between the various paths that he could take, the other was elegantly gliding down on the road of success, shining and quick like a lightning bolt, formidable hauteur in every step and a cold reticence in his gaze. When Mark had just found that same road, on which he has covered a lot of distance today, the other was already reaching the end of it, having achieved the stardom and fame that was so prominent that it was impossible to not feel intimidated. 

It goes without saying though, that something about Kim Jongin had always made him stand out, just that little bit but significantly more distinct and above everyone. 

While Mark is aware that stage personas go a long way in making anyone seem somewhat different, flawless and more refined than the usual, having adopted one for himself and seeing his own members and other hyungs that he is close to doing the same, he just wasn't in the loop regarding the fact that a person can cultivate a whole new existence for himself to the point that it would seem like there are two beings residing in the same body.

Minseok hyung's fond little anecdotes about the youngest members of his group always filled him with warmth he could relate to, being one of the youngest in one of his own units and having been the eldest in another, but he still couldn't process the reality that the man, the idol, Kai and according to Minseok hyung, the perpetually sleepy and pouting kid Jongin who laughs at everything, could actually be the same person.

If he were to ask his group mates, he knows they all would agree that it was the name _Kai_ that always made them a tad bit more nervous and fidgety compared to all the other seniors. While they all had various seniors they admired, idolized and were close to, it was Kai hyung who made them all sit straighter and look around consciously. It is not even that he was a strict senior or had overseen their training harshly, in fact he hardly ever interacted with any of them who had joined the company after his debut. It was just that he was so distant, so far away that he could not even be seen. But he was the one you heard a lot about, a prodigy, a performer of highest caliber, someone who always attracted attention. It is human nature to be unnerved by the unknown and that is how it felt with him. 

Kai hyung was intimidating. 

_was. _

\------

He's out here on the roof, a cinematic view of the sunrise appearing in front of him in high definition, the cool morning breeze making a mess out of his unstyled dark hair, curls covering his forehead. The yoga mat he was carrying just laid on the ground while he stood near the edge of the roof, taking in the dramatic aesthetics of the place the management has rented out for them to be used as a dorm. They were already anticipating this as Taemin hyung had _strongly_ requested for them to live together in a dorm like setting instead of hotel rooms; because they are, after all debuting as a new group and should humble themselves by experiencing the hardships of dorm life again; and that hyung usually gets whatever he wants since no one really has the guts to say no to that face. But if you were to ask him, Mark is pretty sure that there has never been a newly debuted group that has lived in such a pointlessly lavish 'dorm'. The place is so huge and luxurious that all of them could live here for days, keeping themselves entertained and passing their time here in the States without crossing paths with each other outside of their schedules if they wished so. It goes to show just how naturally they all have been getting along that even in this situation they all tend to stick together, always orbiting each other and fully aware of where the other six members are and what they are up to. 

Baekhyun hyung practicing his English speaking skills and trying out several accents is never not amusing, Lucas and Taemin hyung are laughing so loudly at him that he can hear their voices coming from the living room on the ground floor and it makes him giggle too. Honestly, he's amazed at how the oldest member of this new group grasps things so quickly, either it be singing, speaking or dancing. Maybe they should try to convince him to practice some rapping too, that'd be so interesting if he really takes to it. Baekhyun hyung is by far one of the most wholesome people he has ever met. 

He can also see Taeyong hyung in the swimming pool, holding on to the edge of it and Ten hyung sprawled down on the ground close by. They are talking softly, the later with a grimace on his face. He can imagine the sombre, worried expression that their NCT leader is wearing. Being a celebrity is hard, especially for someone as self-critical like him. Society obviously judges you with a set of new criteria once you are not considered a commoner.

It seems that whenever Taeyong hyung is about to take another step towards a bright future, people throw his past in his face, a past he has always felt guilty about even when they were trainees. Mark really wishes that this hyung could just forgive himself one day and move forward with his head held high because he feels so proud to have such a warm hyung as a leader who has taken care of them all so devotedly and he knows the rest of the NCT members feel the same too. 

He sighs, slapping the railing once before he turns to leave and almost breaks his nose by slamming it against something hard. Since he can't allow that to happen because the promotions have just started for them and he has no interest in going around, appearing on American television with a swollen nose, he jabs both his hands out and pushes against the thing that was about to cause him a lot of pain.

It is only when he can feel the velvety warmth caught under his grip, resting intimately against his palms, that his brains starts catching up to who exactly is standing in front of him. His one hand is clutching on an expansive shoulder he has become well acquainted with recently, the other is resting against a gleaming chest, pale fingers pressing down right in the middle. Even as the realization of what he is doing slowly dawns on him, he can't subdue his gaze from taking it all in, the shimmering ivory gold, melting sweet caramel, dripping bronze liquid, glossy honey running down, the twinkling stars, the sun shining majestically itself and all kinds of barely sensible phrases, adjectives and synonyms wrecking a havoc in his head as always, begging to tumble down his tongue, through his lips in the kind of gibberish that never makes sense to anyone, not even to himself .

Soft, husky chuckle snaps him out of it, his head snapping up in the direction of the imperfect morning melody, so different from the usual high-pitched laughter he has gotten used to, and he is falling right into the abyss of hazy eyes, half mast and brimming with sleepiness, sprinkled with grains of amusement and something so soft, it really fucks with Mark's head. Those full lips, usually pressed together in a pout are stretched up, the right side reaching just a little bit higher than the left, creating this complete picture to be just so alluring that it actually fucks with his _heart_, doing these strange hiccups inside his chest. 

Mark Lee is severely and helplessly _fucked_ and honestly, he doesn't appreciate being made to feel this way when he is still a virgin in all the ways that matter. 

Jongin looks down on the hand still stuck on his chest, the cheeky smile still plastered on the glowing face and Mark curses, snatching both his hands away, stumbling two steps back near the edge of the roof. He knows his eyes must look ready to pop out of the sockets as he covers his mouth with his fingers. 

'Oh damn, you surprised me hyung. Sorry!'

He rubs his left hand against the side of his sweat pants, looking down at his feet sheepishly. He turns a little, holding the railing with the other hand. Jongin comes closer, settling his elbows on top of the railing, the smirk toned down into a small smile now. 

'Nah, my bad,' he takes a quick glance at Mark, his chin thrown up, accentuating his cut jaw line and making the light dusting of facial hair more visible than before. He knows it's kind of messed up but he had clearly noticed that the face was like smooth marble hours back when they had gone to sleep, 'shouldn't have sneaked up on you like that.'

Mark can't help the high pitched giggle that leaves his lips and he wants to hide his face away so bad, his hands are itching with the need to cover his face, embarrasment dancing on the tip of his fingers. He presses down on the urge to do anything else cringey and shrugs his shoulders.

'That's true, hyung. I didn't even hear your footsteps and you were standing just right behind me?' he scratches the the nape of his neck, noticing Ten and Taeyong waving at them as if they haven't seen each other just hours ago, identical grins adorning their lips as Jongin salutes them cutely. He is relieved to have found out that he isn't the only one prone to heart eyes and helpless smiles around this hyung, 'I mean I am quite jumpy to be honest, you never know how it will turn out every time you pull that on me? You better be careful.'

Jongin moves to stand straighter, pulling himself away, only to lean back in sideways, hips cocked out, resting against the railing. In this position, Mark can't resist the urge to lean in, head incline towards the older man. His right hand slowly comes up, giving the younger boy enough time and opportunity to get away, both wasted, as Mark gawks up at him, lips just slightly parted in something like awe. 

He can feel the long fingers invading the locks of his hair so seamlessly, pushing them up and away from his face, gentle fingertips collecting the unruly mess, a broad palm pressing them away in the same direction. Mark can't comprehend how a gesture like this can make him feel so safe and threatened at the same time.

'You don't need to worry so much. You have so many capable hyungs around. We are here. I am always here,' the hand tugs softly on the hair on the back of his head, a finger gently scratching behind his left ear, 'doesn't matter how jumpy you are, I can always hold you down, Minhyung-ah!'

He's so lost in the gentle petting, it really takes him a moment to process what he is hearing. He gasps, and pointedly doesn't looking at Jongin. His gaze slips down instead, eyes locking with Ten's, who is standing up now, a hand casually resting on the waist, and the intensity on his face makes Mark's heart go berserk. Mark wonders what he sees, what he feels while studying him and the hyung beside him. It is like a slow train wreck and he is paralyzed from the confusion and suddenness of it all, he should pull away, he should step away, he should turn away and just run far away. But everyone here caught in this moment knows that's an impossibility. Suddenly, the intense scrutiny gives way to a smug smirk on Ten's face, still not breaking eye contact with Mark. It makes the Canadian boy's skin crawl, warmth rising up on his pale face. 

Jongin takes his hand away, pushing up his own hair back, appearing to have stepped out of a Vogue spread by mistake. 

'You know, I came looking for you. You fell asleep on my bed halfway through your rambling, it was so cute and I just let you be, you looked quite comfortable,' he moves away, and then Mark can finally breathe properly but now he has another thing to feel ashamed about. Jongin stares him down, a small grin still present on his face as his feet take him backwards towards the exit, body bare from waist up and the younger boy can't deal with the unfairness of it all as he tries not to gape at the unrealistic proportions in awe ',don't just disappear like that on me. I get worried easily.' 

'Ah! ... didn't want to bother you.' Mark turns his back on him, somehow not in favour of seeing his hyung walk out of the door and close it behind him, leaving him here alone

'Trust me, you don't bother me at all.' The softness in his voice makes Mark shiver under the morning sunlight. He doesn't hear the door close behind him. 

\---

Jongin hyung wasn't intimidating.

He was downright scary. It was dangerous, the things he made him feel and he was spiralling down in a dark, endless pit without anyone or anything holding him back. 

But what actually terrifies him the most is how he _likes_ it.

**Author's Note:**

> • I really can't write, this is embarrassing but I'll continue embarrassing myself. probably. idk lol


End file.
